Letter From Sarah

4-2-97


Dear Karra, Tia, Russ, Mark and dearest Kiri,

Thank you very much in your assistance in helping me through a most difficult time in my life. The fact now that I know that I'm dying from what was done to me is unimportant. The experiments that they ran, although I don't remember them very clearly, were very horrific. The love that you have shown me and the times that you have helped me when I have been in acute pain and suffering have brightened my life tremendously. Even though I know I won't see my twenty forth birthday, I would like to say thank you to those people that have helped me tremendously and to those people who came to visit when I needed help most. I say thank you from the bottom of my heart with all my love and being. The understanding that you people have shown me on this path through the suffering that I went through, has seemed to make it easier to bear the fact that I have very little of my own genetic material left. The fact I will never have children even though I have less than a year to live is irrelevant.

The being that I am now could never have been if it hadn't of been for the suffering that I went through. I would not change it for one second. The love and understanding that I achieved after the horrors that I went through and the dreams that I had, if they were dreams, seems to be bearable. But I would not want anyone to go through the nightmares or the dreams. I won't tell you what the dreams are because they are too painful even now. The fact that I have had two years of wonderful love and help from such wonderful people as Karra, Tia, Russ, Mark and of course dearest Kiri. It is still something that I feel people should learn from. That what happened, even though it was negative, is now something that is bearable. Where I am now, on a wonderful planet with wonderful people, makes life easier.

I have selected my return box, or as I used to call it when I was younger, a coffin. I have selected the material of finest silk and satin. I know that nobody on home, as much as I would love to see them before I go will ever see me again. But I will be buried where I can overlook and watch and see when I wait for rebirth, see them as they are; not as I see them in my memory. The time that I spent in the cold, cruel, harsh, deep freeze dream world is something that goes without words. It's hard to explain. I will try to explain in the next few lines. The best way to describe it was it was like being in the deep sleep filled with horrible images. It is hard to put it to pen and paper and to realize that it made me who I am now. From the shy girl on the Base who bowed her head and shuffled along to somebody that is suffering from accelerated aging, they have robbed me of part of my growing. But I hold them no malice due to the fact that without that suffering, I would not be Sarah. I would not be the same lady that I am now. I would still be somebody that was smoking pot, getting high every night, and kicking back and sleeping around.

Now I am somebody that understands the purpose of life. The purpose of where to go. And as a return payment if it would be possible to give the information of the importance of having a purpose even though it may be short. That is something that would be my gift, to give somebody that chance to have that purpose. Not to go the path that I was heading of to say it, a whore. I was sleeping around. I was doing drugs. That's not a life. Life is to be lived, to be enjoyed, to smell the flowers. The flowers that I smell now remind me of home. The birds I see overhead remind me of home. The beautiful, warm sun that beats on my skin as I sit under this tree writing this letter is so much joy that it is hard to explain. The simple pleasures as my friend here tells me, the simple country girl, it is wonderful to enjoy things as they are. Not to live in a pseudo world of happiness created by inhaling pot, or snorting coke, or smoking crack, that's not a life. Life is to be enjoyed, to lead it at full strength.

Now as I run out of paper and pen and the ink well is drying up, it is time to wish love and happiness to everybody. Once again, thank you to Karra, thank you to Tia, thank you to Russ, thank you to Mark, and to my dearest, dearest Kiri, I give you all my love and maybe one day we will be together again.

Bye, love…..
Sarah

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